At this point in my life

almost done with college

Tue, 15 May 2007 16:33:11 GMT

Haven't updated in a while but yeah. Am done with all my work at Bryn Mawr and enjoying senior week. Not really looking forward to graduation because that will mean that this really is over. I've loved my time here. This school is amazing and my friends are amazing. In some ways I am really looking forward to moving on but I will still really miss it here. Wish I had a plan for next year... Am excited for the train ride and visiting friends on the west coast for a month. I've had so many things to say goodbye to this semester: Betty, Bryn Mawr, my house. It really feels like a full-blown shift into a new life (except that I dont know what that new life will be).

I. C.A.N.T B.E.L.E.I.V.E I.T.

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 06:51:23 GMT

it can't be. there's no way. i just...i just can't believe it's done.

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 06:01:18 GMT

i hope the victory is worth the struggle.....hell, i hope there is a victory, period.

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 06:02:55 GMT

ever feel like life's just pummeling along and sometimes when you stop to consider the reality of things, they seem weird and unexpected and not as you planned and then one day you'll look back and say, i did that, i was that, yeah thats interesting and true. life is just going so fast and i'm so engrossed in the little day to day things i need to do that i take many things for granted. but then, maybe i am just making too big a deal out of life. this transitional semester is very freaky. and these are the thoughts i have when i stay at canaday until midnight working on my thesis. although i have been having such thoughts a lot lately.

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 05:49:54 GMT

I really want to get a tragus piercing. But I shouldn't right now, because it is something I would feel obliged to remove before job interviews. And if I get one now I would have to keep it in for at least 6 months. Maybe I should wait until after I get a job. But I really want one now.... Probably because of my damn thesis. Everytime I feel like I am lacking control of something really important in my life, I crave more piercings/tattoos as a displacement of my desire for control. Had the first meeting of my thesis class tonight and the professor ripped me apart and made feel kind of hopeless about the future....Maybe I am overreacting. I just wish I had some guidance with my topic, someone to point me in the right direction..... Oh well, I will at least get the third hole in one of my lobes repierced. Whichever one it is that closed. It's weird because one is still open but the other closed. And I am excited about Mairi's piercing ;)

On Crack

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 20:46:37 GMT

i really dont know why i am so hyper right now. i feel good because: i'm listening to nirvana and theyre great, i finished my kant paper today, i got my sociology midterm back and passed, i've been going to the gym in the morning and endorphins are amazing, life is less stressful since i stopped working at canaday because i can actually use that time to write papers, i'm drinking mountain dew, this weekend is going to be AMAZING!!!!

jill and i went to le chateau exotique in new hope this past weekend and i bought a bonafide dominatrix outfit to wear for halloween! going to see girlyman in philly on friday and going to have dinner at the vietnamese restaurant across the street from the apartment we lived in this summer. then saturday's rhoads halloween and i'm gettin TRASHED!!!!!! then sunday is lantern night! yay. so excited for my frosh to get their lanterns, i love my frosh, they are great!!!!!!!

now it's time for dinner! i hope some of this craziness subsides before tutoring tonight. i dont want to scare my tutees.....any more than normal.hehehehehehehe.

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 16:57:43 GMT

Went camping in Shenandoah National Park with Katie and Mairi from Tuesday to yesterday. It was a lot of fun. I would really like to go camping again. It was so nice to just do basic things like cooking on a campfire and hiking and relaxing. It felt really good to be away from all the pressures at school and home. I really don't want to get back to the grindstone. I just want to be freeeeeeeeeee.

Dream

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 22:36:37 GMT

I just woke from a really interesting dream. In my dream I was driving to my house, only there was no car and I wasnt actually driving but what I was seeing was as if I was driving. When you turn off the highway onto a road that connects to my road, there is a field on the right, and you come to the point where this road connects to my road, and it's the top of the hill, and from there there is a view of fields and hills which is really pretty. In my dream I saw all of this and it was very vivid and made me wish I had my camera, and the weather was overcast. When I was driving on my road, I passed this part of the scenery (which is there in real life), and then there was a hill with grass and sand and the ocean where my house should be (obviously this part isnt real). but it felt real in my dream. and it felt like i had this dream before because i could anticipate what i would see next. and then i was walking around and felt the sand on my feet and between my toes, and then my alarm went off.

i dont know why but this dream felt kind of like heaven to me. as if i was transcending this world to the next. this is very interesting since i dont believe in heaven.

anyway, time for me to start getting ready for the PARTY!

no tattoo :(

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 05:45:12 GMT

I'm really sad because I finally found the design I want for my first tattoo (a phoenix that I want to get on my upper back) and I was all excited to get it but then we got to Philly too late for them to do it tonight. Parking around South St on the weekends sucks. As I learned this summer when I was staying there for a couple of weeks. Anyway, it took us like an hour to find a spot tonight.

So now I am pretty bummed. At least I am actually free next Friday night, when I was at the tattoo parlor I was thinking that was the night Whitney and I are throwing the party, but no, that is the following Friday. So I plan to get it then. Hopefully I will have lots of moral support, I am kinda nervous about it.

i am also worrying about things I probably shouldnt. But cant help it.

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 20:01:51 GMT

I am incredibly bored right now...and sleepy.

Working at the desk at Canaday and it's been pretty slow. It's sad and frightening to think there is only a month left of summer before HA training starts. Sad because it makes me sad to think that next year will be my last year at Bryn Mawr and frightening because that means I only have a month left to do research and I am nowhere near as far along with that as I need/want to be. There is also so much else that I wanted/want to do this summer and havent simply because I havent had the time.

Had a nice weekend at home. Katie came with me and that was fun. We got to hang out with some of my friends as well which was good. The house felt kind of empty without Mike. I hope he is doing ok. I miss him and not being able to talk with him. Must write to him soon now that I have his address.

Wow, I really feel like I am going to pass out.

Getting old

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 20:05:47 GMT

I was going to update, because I had a few interesting things to say, then in the process of reading my friends' recent updates and helping customers, I totally forgot what I was going to say. That's annoying.

The one thing I do remember is that I will be cat-sitting for my favorite history professor in August. That's exciting.

Hmm, oh, I think one of the other things was that I was discussing a female hygienic issue on the phone with my mom outside of Canaday, then I looked up to notice that my research advisor's office was right above me and one of the windows was open. Thankfully I wasn't too graphic but it was still rather embarassing. Why do I always do stuff like that?

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Katie is coming home with me and we're going out to dinner for my friend Kristen's birthday tomorrow night, my friend Kim is also coming. And Elise is also back from Cornell this weekend so we're going to go to Siam on Saturday. Yay for good food and good friends.

Life has been pretty good lately. I like working at Canaday and I like my coworkers and bosses. Hehe. I wish I had more time to do research though. It wasnt the best idea taking on two full-time jobs. I was so afraid that this summer would end up like last summer that I overbooked myself. It's hard balancing a 9-5 job, a full-time research job (which I've been doing nights and weekends), commuting to Philly everyday, all the responsibilities that come with being independent (like grocery shopping and cooking), as well as a social life, spending time with my family, oh yeah, and sleep. But I can't complain. I just wish I could focus more time on the research because I am very excited about it.

I've been having a lot of fun lately too. I drove to Atlantic City with Katie and Mairi last weekend and that was cool. As is living in Philly. I've also been strengthening and/or reviving a bunch of friendships lately, as well as maintaining the usual strong ones.

So I think this may have been what I originally wanted to say, but whatever. Je n'ai pas le gas yo.

Heat

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 04:36:59 GMT

Boy is it hot. Katie and I are sweltering in bed, and not in a good way.... she's been using a bag of frozen green beans to cool down. We took some funny photos and watched a few episodes of Friends. She also made me this yummy dinner. Now if only she could make me cool rather than hot.

Felt like I was starting to get sick with something today...sore throat etc. I still have a really bad headache though. so tired too. havent been getting much sleep lately. could be the heat or the gas or the impure thoughts.....

vwoof!

Good luck Mike

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 18:35:25 GMT

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

Sleepy at Canaday

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 18:01:57 GMT

Am currently working behind the desk at Canaday with nothing much to do. Can't complain though as I certainly would not rather be doing inventory.

Been messing around with Sumana a lot today and am sleeping over at her place tonight. Would rather she sleep over at my place in Philly as I feel like I'm hardly there and still havent completely settled in; but she has to be there to walk her land lady's dog, so..... She is going to cook for me though, which is exciting. And tomorrow we'll go into Philly and have some fun. Should be cool to be in Philly on the 4th of July. Which reminds me, it's Niamh's birthday tomorrow. Must email her.

My cartilege piercing is really acting up today. I took some advil to make the swelling go down and I'm guessing it is working since I'm not feeling any pain anymore. Will buy some sea salt tonight to soak it in. The eyebrow has been great though. Infinite is soooo much better than Primal Urge in New Hope.

Navami is coming to take over for me behind the desk so it's time for me to sign off.

Not getting carded is almost disappointing...

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 00:48:17 GMT

Oh, well.

There was the most gorgeous sunset tonight...

The library is about to close. I dont really have anything interesting to say but felt like updating anyway. Tomorrow I'm heading back to BM for a meeting with the research group and my advisor. Will be meeting him for the first time so hope it goes well. Also need to start actually doing research. Did most of a practice test for the GRE today in a book I bought. Studying was definitely a good idea..... Although the totals arent as bad as I thought they would be based on how many I got wrong.

I really wish the pressure in my ears would go away so I can feel normal again.

Bryn Mawr still feels like home

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 20:32:45 GMT

I love how every time I drive to Bryn Mawr (especially after I've been away for a while) it feels like I'm coming home.

Visited with Katie, Christina, and Anastasia yesterday and this morning at our summer apartment (I'll be moving in in a couple of weeks). The area seems really nice with a park where we went to a flea market, more than one coffee shop within a couple of blocks, and restaurants and other cool stuff near by. I love Philly and am so excited to be living there this summer. I like it a lot more than Dublin, to be honest.

Katie and I drove to BMC yesterday so I could pick up my research folder but unfortunately Carpenter was closed so I had to drive back today. My carrel for the summer is in this creepy dungeon-like room in Carpenter. I don't think I will be studying much there. I dont really understand why we are in Carpenter anyway. All the books most of us need are in Canaday.

Yesterday Katie and I walked all the way down senior row and we sat on senior steps for a while. Both were pretty cool. It feels good to be a senior but kind of weird and scary at the same time.

I'm hoping to get to Farley's in New Hope today to buy some GRE prep books and see if they have anything in the way of Philosophy as well. I was hoping to just take the GRE, see how I do, and decide then whether I need to study and take it again. But it costs over 100 dollars for each sitting so I think I will just study for it the first time and hopefully do ok then. I'm kind of lazy about those things though. I wish the schools would advertise the scores they look for.

Mike graduates high school this Friday. It's weird how people grow up and start their own lives, how families change as kids grow up.

I think I need a nap. Katie wore me out last night ;)

it's the little things I tell ya....

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 00:43:21 GMT

i just got the sweetest email from one of my Dublin roommates and it made my day. i am so touched. i am so glad i was able to bond with a few really great people over there. :)

in other news, tomorrow is the big day. i have a rendez-vous with a big pair of scissors and some lucky kid is going to get 10 inches of my curly hair. i don't think i will miss it.

also have an ear infection. although the antibiotics are starting to help already. i can now hear a little bit out of my left ear again.

i'm enjoying just relaxing and spending time with my family. been watching the second season of the nanny and it is quite funny.

i also love my hunka-b. in case anyone needed reminding.

your mom has returned

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 15:29:17 GMT

and by your mom, i mean me of course. although my mom is actually a perfect candidate for the your mom jokes. anyway, yeah. it feels so good to be back. except that i'm sick :( actually have a doctor's appt this afternoon for the first time in over a year. i dont have health/medical insurance so havent been for a while.

nothing much going on. just catching up with family and friends. elise has already left me for cornell. but it was fun while it lasted. she and kristen took me out to dinner at my favorite thai restaurant for my birthday and that was sweet. (elise, when you read this, i found more of those things that you gave me in random places in my other suitcase. guess i will have to hold on to those till i see you next. did you have any trouble walking back into your house with that bag? ;) )

am at jill's now for the week, then back to my house on friday to embarass my brother as much as possible before his prom. i know his date so this should be fun. then sometime next weekend i will be going to philly to visit katie, yay! and hopefully by then i will have the 2nd season of the nanny so i can bring it, or perhaps save it until i move in. was watching some of it last night as jill and dawn have it and there was this one episode that was so funny i was laughing so hard i was almost crying.

also been doing some grad school research online and that has been rather intimidating. my first choice right now is berkeley as the professors there seem to primarily specialize in the fields i am interested in--metaphysics, ethics, philosophy of mind. and they have had some really good philosophers there, such as John Searle who is amazing. don't know if he is still there though. also considering princeton as it has a great philosophy dept as well. my nana asked me where i wanted to go to grad school and i told her berkeley and she was like, BERKELEY!!!!! but you just got back from ireland and you want to leave me again...

i wish i didnt have to wait till the end of july to meet with professor koggel. i want to discuss grad schools with her as well as other stuff like getting 300 level credit for my third year philosophy courses at trinity. she is a great advisor, i really trust her judgment.

well, time to go shower (and this has no relation to my just mentioning my professor, i swear).

DONE DONE DONE

Wed, 31 May 2006 12:00:44 GMT

Just took my last exam and feel free and so excited to be coming home tomorrow morning!!! It wasnt that bad and i definitely better have freaking passed which means i am FINALLY a senior!!! aghhhhh! that's kind of scary.

now i'm about to meet up with my roomie for lunch at this yummy thai restaurant (don't worry, elise, it never gets old for me. i promise i will eat like a pig friday night and be doing the fat walk for several hours after).

after that i'm just going to walk all over the city since i'll be seeing it for the last time (for a while anyway). i will probably take lots of pictures and be touristy. i've gotten so used to this place. it will be weird to not be walking through the same places anymore. but that's ok, i can't fucking wait to be home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost there...

Tue, 30 May 2006 12:30:26 GMT

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find /that I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own
I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone] I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something i've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/only to find that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own
I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone] I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something i've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today
I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone] I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something i've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong

Thu, 25 May 2006 18:00:20 GMT

Slow motion see me let go
We tend to die young
Slow motion see me let go
What a brother knows
Slow motion see me let go

Slow motion see me let go
We’ll remember these days
Slow motion see me let go
Urban life decay
Slow motion see me let go

Slow motion see me let go
Oh yeah
Slow motion see me let go, oh
Slow motion see me let go, oh

Last day of being 20

Fri, 19 May 2006 13:30:47 GMT

Where did the twentieth year of my life go? It feels like it went by so fast. It also just feels like it was a major transition and growth year rather than a stable kind of year...if that makes any sense.

I went home with my friend Aine two days ago and stayed at her house for the night. Was really good to spend time in a family setting again, even if for only a day. Her family was really nice. And Kilkenny, the town that she's from, is cool as well. There's this huge castle at one end of the town. Imagine having a giant castle in your town....and my town in NJ thinks possessing an old red mill is a big deal.

I'm starting to freak out a bit about my exam on Monday. Mainly because I'm at that stage where I am on my way to being able to pass it but not quite there yet. Still have a lot of studying left to do. But feel like I can pass if I pull it together. I'm nervous, but not stressed, if that's possible. Am really looking forward to 12:30 on monday when it will be done. then only one more exam to go.

should probably eat something soon. i havent been buying or eating food much as i am tired of the same old stuff here and the kitchen is such a filthy mess and smells so bad from the garbage and i dont even want to use the smelly fridge. i am finished with cleaning it though. i cleaned the fucking thing way more times than my share and i refuse to do it anymore. only twelve more days that i have to deal with the stinking mess.

I am so addicted to coffee. I went a few days without it and it was really bad. Then bought some last night and have been so excited about it since. Mmm coffee.

Damn straight

Tue, 16 May 2006 22:05:28 GMT

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.
You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.

You should major in:

Philosophy
Music
Theology
Art
History
Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

Not a bad day

Tue, 16 May 2006 21:45:55 GMT

Received an email saying I have a main campus parking permit for next year. woot woot!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's weird because I was just telling Katie this morning that I was wondering when I would find out if I got one. Am so looking forward to no longer having go through such a hassle with parking.

Got a package from my mom with a WHOLE angel food cake in it!!!! it survived the flight and is delicious. between what my roommates and I have eaten, it's already two-thirds gone! I was so excited when I saw that in the box as I wasnt expecting it at all. She also put in a really nice birthday card and dark chocolate candies and more. I have the best mom in the world! ...i'm sure her bf would agree.....anyway..............

life is pretty decent now. except for my gas.

oh, and, yeah...

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y K A T I E ! ! ! I L O V E M Y P A R T N E R ! ! !

this one's funny

Sun, 14 May 2006 22:17:52 GMT

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.

It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.

They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?